Monday, September 20, 2010

Wedding Notes

Several friends are getting married so I thought I'd put together a list of stuff we learned that you don't always find in bridal magazines.

First. Remember this is about your marriage more than it is about the 3-4 hours that are your wedding. Be sure to spend time preparing for spending a life with another imperfect person. Get as much premarital counseling as you can. Some books and things that have helped us are Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrot, For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhan, Fighting for your Marriage by Scott Stanley and Howard Markman, Captivating and Wild at Heart by John and Stasi Eldridge. If you're in oklahoma, check for PREP courses in your area.

Secondly and similarly, you do NOT need everything that they say you do in the bridal magazines. i.e. name cards, programs, expensive favors, save the date cards, RSVP cards, a chocolate fountain, limos, a full 9 course dinner, brunch for all, hotel baskets, heaps of flowers or even a flower girl/ring bearer. If you do get all that stuff, you really will spend the $26K that is the national average. Holy cow that's a lot. It's the marriage that counts so don't go into debt for your wedding (and don't put your parents there either). Furthermore, if you do all that, nothing will seem special because everything is extravagant. So pick a few things to splurge on and let those things be the stylish highlights that everyone will remember.

Third - Don't cut the cake until you're ready to leave the reception. I think this is some sort of unspoken signal that the party's almost over.

Fourth-Prepare for the unexpected. We had an outdoor wedding on our friend's wooded back yard. Long before the day, I was preparing myself mentally for freezing drizzle and cramming our closest 20 people into their home and saying our vows dripping wet. But when you are focusing on point >1<>above, then other details can fall by the wayside. Admittedly, that would have been a hard detail to swallow though, so mentally prepare to let some big stuff go before it gets there.

Fifth (and last for now). You do not need a $5000 dress or shoes. You will wear it for 1 day and then it will be pretty much useless. Let God's gift of your husband's love give you that radiant, captivating glow and you could be wearing a $20 sundress and feel just as much a princess.

A 6th thought - similar to #1. There are *many* many details over which you could stress as you prepare for your wedding. Always keep in mind - is this really a key detail? Does it matter to me? Will I and my Bride/Groom remember this and tell the kids about it? Remember points 1, 2, and 4 above, and do the best you can then let it be what it will be. Focus on the key details that you want to remember for a lifetime and it will be the day you've always dreamed of.


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