Over the past week I have run across several things that have sent me into memories of my past homelessness and cause great heartache for me. I do not say heartache in the sense that I have pain from those memories, but pain for those in the circumstance today.
The first instance that caused me grief was on Tuesday. Shortly after I dropped Erin of at the train station I was driving away and had only gotten 4-5 blocks and I saw a young man who appeared to be homeless. He looked to be between sixth and ninth grade. The reason that I thought maybe homeless, he carried a clear trash bag that had a pair of shoes and a few sets of cloths. I realize that this is not an automatic determinant of whether or no he was homeless or not, but the sight of him made me think it. At this I began to feel sad and remember when I was young.
When I was 6 years old my mother and father split and I chose to live with my father. The reason, I was a daddy's boy. This decision, little did I know, meant that at times in the next few years I would move from place to place, town to town, state to state, family members house to family members house, homeless shelter to homeless shelter, park to under pass, to where ever we could find to lay our heads at night. In addition, it meant that I would have food sometimes and others I would not. Moreover, I would have my father and older brother, and at times be alone for days at a time. Additionally, I would have to move from school to school.
The second instance that reminded me of this time was a presentation in my Human Behavior and Diverse population class. One of the groups covered the homeless population of north Texas and it had interviews of some of the homeless in Dallas. Listening to the group was enlightening in that it gave light into the broader society and how it is currently viewing the population. Part of it believes that homeless do not exist, part believe they do and they are lazy unmotivated people, and others believe that they are in need of help to get them going again.
I am a formerly homeless person. I have a high school diploma, I am a graduate of a university, I am a masters student, I am a member of the Oklahoma Air National Guard/ United States Air Force and have served my country at home and abroad for almost 7 years, I am a minister of God, I am a homeless person who has done a lot with help from people who cared.
I am a living example of what can happen when homeless people succeed.
First. Remember this is about your marriage more than it is about the 3-4 hours that are your wedding. Be sure to spend time preparing for spending a life with another imperfect person. Get as much premarital counseling as you can. Some books and things that have helped us are Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrot, For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhan, Fighting for your Marriage by Scott Stanley and Howard Markman, Captivating and Wild at Heart by John and Stasi Eldridge. If you're in oklahoma, check http://www.okmarriage.org for PREP courses in your area. 
Secondly and similarly, you do NOT need everything that they say you do in the bridal magazines. i.e. name cards, programs, expensive favors, save the date cards, RSVP cards, a chocolate fountain, limos, a full 9 course dinner, brunch for all, hotel baskets, heaps of flowers or even a flower girl/ring bearer. If you do get all that stuff, you really will spend the $26K that is the national average. Holy cow that's a lot. It's the marriage that counts so don't go into debt for your wedding (and don't put your parents there either). Furthermore, if you do all that, nothing will seem special because everything is extravagant. So pick a few things to splurge on and let those things be the stylish highlights that everyone will remember.
Third - Don't cut the cake until you're ready to leave the reception. I think this is some sort of unspoken signal that the party's almost over.
Fourth-Prepare for the unexpected. We had an outdoor wedding on our friend's wooded back yard. Long before the day, I was preparing myself mentally for freezing drizzle and cramming our closest 20 people into their home and saying our vows dripping wet. But when you are focusing on point >1<>above, then other details can fall by the wayside. Admittedly, that would have been a hard detail to swallow though, so mentally prepare to let some big stuff go before it gets there.
